Pointe Black: A Conversation with Marie Astrid Mence on Racism and Bullying in the Dance Community
Pointe Black is a remarkable documentary featuring professional ballet dancer Marie Astrid Mence. The short film, directed by Rebecca Murray, features Marie performing a solemn ballet routine in an empty dance studio as an audio clip details her complex experience as a black ballerina in a world that favors privilege over passion.
Brown Girls Do Ballet’s founder, TaKiyah Wallace, was able to chat with Marie about the obstacles she faced and her journey of internalizing and overcoming the subtle, yet strong, layers of racism that keeps many ballerinas of color from succeeding.
Related: Watch Pointe Black on Nowness
Photo: Marie Astrid Mence for Pointe Black; shot by Richard Oxford
Lack of Representation
Marie started ballet at the age of 5 in Paris, France. As the only black ballerina in her ballet classes, Marie was constantly faced with racist comments and bullying that only grew worse the older she got. After her ballet conservatory exams at age 18, Marie watched as all of her white classmates received immediate offers for professional contracts. She stood, patiently waiting to be approached with an offer, but none of the directors approached her. Confused and disheartened, Marie decided to ask for feedback from one of the directors.
His advice: stop dancing and pick another career.
Marie suffered an emotional breakdown. She had been dancing all her life. It was her passion; she had made so many sacrifices in the name of dance, and now she was told to just stop trying. Confused and disheartened, all of the discouraging comments she received in the past started to feel valid.
“Maybe I wasn’t fit for this work,” she thought, “Maybe I didn’t deserve to be a ballet dancer. Maybe my teachers were right.”
With a broken heart and spirit, Marie decided to stop seeking a career in dance, although she continued to take classes. During one class, the director of Alvin Ailey came to teach. It turned out to have actually been a private audition. After the class, he welcomed her to come to Alvin Ailey the following year in New York. After moving halfway across the globe, Marie had finally entered a studio where all of her classmates and teachers were black.
“It was the first time that I realized, ‘Oh my God, I’m not the only one here.’”
Photo: Marie Astrid Mence for Pointe Black; shot by Richard Oxford
Representation removes the pressure of being a trailblazer. The idea of being the first at anything can be daunting, and being an outlier in any situation can add to the stress. Like several ballerinas of color, it would have helped Marie to know that her dreams are not unheard of. In the ballet community, it is necessary to have peers and mentors who can relate to and empathize with the concerns of dancers of color.
Lack of Opportunity
After returning to France to recover from a severe foot injury, Marie began searching for a professional dance company to audition for. She stumbled upon Ballet Black, a London-based dance company that celebrates dancers of Black and Asian descent. The company happened to be searching for a black ballet dancer in London. They invited Marie to come audition with them. Marie was in total disbelief.
“It felt unreal because as a teenager, people told you ‘You’re never gonna do it,’ ‘You look bad,’ ‘We don't know where to put you in this space because you’re black and everybody else is white,’ so you get really bitter in this ballet world,” she said, “It felt like a fraud - like a joke.”
Offers like these feel like once-in-a-lifetime opportunities for black ballerinas. This should not be the case. Like many other dancers of color, Marie was so used to being shunned due to her race that she doubted opportunities that came her way. What if the idea of possibility had been drilled into her mind instead of doubt?
Lack of Support
Once she visited Ballet Black, Marie was amazed at the energy in the room. She observed and admired the professionalism, strength, and confidence of the other dancers. She felt empowered in the new dance environment, which uplifted dancers because of their stage presence and skill instead of imposing limitations upon them due to their skin color.
“They were dancers because they wanted to dance. They were not students. They were owning the space,” she explained. “That was something that nobody taught me before.”
Photo: Marie Astrid Mence for Pointe Black; shot by Richard Oxford
Marie recalled conversations she’d had in the past with her white classmates about her insecurities. She was shocked to find that they couldn’t relate to her concerns.
“They didn’t have this problem, at all, of rethinking ‘Am I good enough?’ or ‘Maybe I should work harder.’ It seems like the ballet world was already open anyway for them,” she said.
In many industries, people of color are often conditioned into believing they don’t belong. In the dance community, black dancers are often dismissed because they don’t fit the mold of the “traditionally ideal” ballet dancer. If more dancers of color had a support system full of teachers, mentors, and classmates who poured into them with confidence and strength, they would feel empowered and eager to show up. Experiences like these are a huge reminder of why creating spaces where dancers of all backgrounds can feel uplifted is essential in the dance community.
Related: Harnessing the Power of Privilege with Board Chair Amber Cabral
Lack of Inclusion
Along with the many other challenges every ballerina of color faces, body image and acceptance is its own beast. As dancers experience puberty, their body shapes may change, causing insecurities that are amplified in the dance studio. In the Pointe Black documentary, Marie tells a story of how she was once cast as a male dancer because the director felt that her body looked too masculine.
The lack of inclusivity in the dance world is also shown through the lack of diverse dancewear. Ballet pointe shoes, which are meant to match the dancer’s skin tone to elongate their legs, are almost impossible to find in brown tones. Some studios still don’t allow flesh-toned tights, requiring dancers of all shades to wear pink or blush-colored dancewear. This form of discrimination can easily lead dancers of color to feel uncomfortable and inadequate in their own skin.
Inclusivity goes beyond making space for diversity. It is also about making resources available and acceptable to a wide array of people. In the dance community, it means accepting hairstyles outside of the traditional ballet bun. It means creating leotards in a wide variety of sizes, with support for different body types. Inclusivity means understanding and embracing everyone for who they are and what they can do, not judging them by their looks or any negative stereotype.
Related: Learn more about the Brown Girls Do Ballet Pointe Shoe Program
Lack of a Safe Space to Speak Out
Despite overcoming all of these obstacles, Marie still finds herself nervous to share her story. Although she realized how she inspired young black girls with her performances and the story she shared in the Pointe Black short film, Marie still felt fearful of the backlash she would receive for speaking out.
“It’s old thinking. I was scared of my own community. I was scared of the people I know in the ballet industry who think they helped me. I was scared of so many things,” Marie said, “And I was scared that I put too much of my vulnerability on social media.”
Photo: Marie Astrid Mence for Pointe Black; shot by Richard Oxford
“I think that the film is timely in a lot of ways. Number one, you’re telling the story that so many dancers that look like you have faced all of these years. Now, in 2020, it’s important to share the stories because it’s still happening,” TaKiyah Wallace said. “I still think it’s so brave that dancers are even still pressing forward and sharing those stories and giving their full authentic experience to younger generations so that they’ll know, ‘Okay, I may face this as I grow in my training, but if she did it - if Marie can go through all of that and be successful - I know that I can too.’”
The worldwide silencing of women of color has consistently covered up their pain. Many people are intimidated by the consequences of speaking up to share their true stories. When they do find the courage to share, they may be discredited or blacklisted. This is a tragically strategic way to sweep racial injustices under the rug. It’s important to provide platforms for ballerinas of color to share their stories without fear of retaliation.
How can you build and encourage representation, equal opportunities, support, inclusion, and safe spaces to the dancers in your community? Marie Astrid Mence did so by continuing to pursue her passion despite her discouragement. She shared her story despite her fear, and because of her courage, more ballerinas can find the inspiration they need to thrive. Connect with Marie on Instagram to keep up with her dance journey.
We believe that all dancers of all ages and experience levels can make a difference. Brown Girls Do Ballet works to provide a platform for ballerinas to connect with and empower one another, share their stories, and bring resources to their communities. To learn more about our mission, click here.
To watch Marie Astrid Mence’s full interview on Instagram, click here.